Boyfriend hypes up 'birthday surprise' only to reveal it's a random secondhand poster of a skyline

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 5, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

Is it really the thought that counts? Or is it something else?

Giving gifts is not the easiest thing in the world. People can be hard to buy for in certain cases. Maybe they're the friend that "has everything," and they have very specific tastes, and you don't want to give them something that they won't use. This is where we hear the term "it's the thought that counts." Maybe we didn't knock it out of the park with our item selection, but we showed that we cared, and that was almost enough. But how far does this phrase go? And who does it extend to?

We hope that the people who are closest to us in life know us pretty well. We hope that they understand our hopes and wants and desires, because if they don't, then who will? Especially our partners. You don't choose your family, but you do choose your romantic partners, so your expectations of them might be a little bit higher. You might expect that they would be able to choose something that you would like. It may not be perfect, but it should be above average. Because all it takes to be a good gift-giver is to be a good listener, and you hope that the people whose company you keep are listening to you. It's kind of their job to listen to you. 

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    A man hands a gift to his wife, giving her a hug
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    Am I in the wrong for feeling disappointed after my 'birthday surprise' was just a random poster?

    So I'm just standing there in the living room holding this random framed poster, and he's smiling at me like he absolutely nailed it. And I'm trying to figure out if I missed something, like... is there more coming after this? Because it's just leaning against the wall, not even wrapped or anything.
    via VelvetVicun
  • 03
    It's some skyline, I think Chicago? I'm not even sure. There's this weird orange filter on it and the corner still has that plastic film half peeling off, which for some reason was really bugging me in the moment.
    via VelvetVicun
  • 04
    He goes, "It's for your office, you said you wanted to decorate." And yeah, I did say that. Once. I meant like plants or maybe a small shelf, not... this. I just stood there like... what.
    via VelvetVicun
  • 05
    Then he starts talking about how he picked it because it matches the couch and how the wall "needed something bold." My office, but okay. I asked about the "surprise plans" he mentioned all week and he just goes, "Yeah this is part of it, we can hang it and order food later."
    via VelvetVicun
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    I don't know. It's just a poster, but it didn't feel like it. AITJ
    via VelvetVicun
  • 07

    Commenters gave their takes on the situation.

    Medical_Gate_5721 You dont like it and dont want it in your office. Use your words.
    via Medical_Gate_5721

  • But that's not what happened in this story, where a couple found themselves in a rough patch after a birthday gift went awry. The boyfriend thought he had really gone off and made an excellent gift decision. The girlfriend didn't think so. So they found themselves at an impasse where nobody was happy. The answer in these situations is always to communicate, but that's not always easy or available. Scroll on to read what was happening in this story and then let us know what you thought about it in the comments. Sometimes you need an outside opinion or two to really let you know how you're doing. 

  • 08
    A man surprises his wife with a gift
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    IndependentAnxiety70 Maybe sit him down and explain what things should by hyped, and how, for you. A poster can be a nice gift, but not necessarily a surprise to build excitement for. I see this as doing it for
    via IndependentAnxiety70
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    your future self, but also, if you dont necessarily see a longer future with him, hopefully he's better about this with whomever he's with next. (I would not appreciate ill- considered decor as a gift)
    via IndependentAnxiety70
  • 11
    charmingb3ar What in the h is that? A poster and a "can order food and hang out" for a birthday surprise. I'd tell him how you feel. It's not about the poster, but the build up and let down of the whole thing. Made you feel special, and then nada.
    via charmingb3ar
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    Life_Scratch_2807 Take yourself out to dinner. If you live together make up a lie you have plans and go by yourself. If you let this low effort behavior continue, it will only get worse.
    via Life_Scratch_2807
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    morbidnerd NTJ It's one thing when someone who doesn't know well tries their best - but this is your partner (I assume). He's had 365 days to figure it out
    via morbidnerd
  • 14
    Call me ungrateful, but I refuse to show appreciation for gifts from people who are supposed to know me best. I'm too old to put up with being let down. My kids give better gifts than that.
    via morbidnerd
  • 15
    If you need more validation, it was a therapist in my 20s. who pointed out that when people buy you things like this and expect praise, they're not actually giving a gift for you. They're giving a gift to get that praise. It's selfish.
    via morbidnerd
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    Mommy-Q NTJ if you're disappointed but you are if you make a big deal about it. He was excited to give you a personal gift he thought you'd love based on a conversation he remembers having with you.
    via Mommy-Q
  • 17
    He planned ahead. You don't have to live it but this wasn't a thoughtless last minute gift. He missed the mark but he tried. People are forgetting how to be grateful.
    via Mommy-Q
  • 18
    DifficultCurrent7 He bought you some random charity shop sh and redditors are telling you to be greatful? Ah f no!
    via DifficultCurrent7
  • 19
    1952a He's a cheapskate. Or the most clueless man on earth..
    via 1952a
  • 20
    LastyearhereXXVL Tell him you love him, sit him down, hold is hand, and be honest. That's it!
    via LastyearhereXXVL
  • 21
    Thingstwo NTJ. My ex did this to our daughter for her 16th. You're going to love what I got you! Etc. For a 16th birthday. We all thought it was a car. I felt very bad bc he had all the money and I was never going to match a car but I tried hard not to show it.
    via Thingstwo
  • 22
    Friends, it was a WATER PILLOW. a pillow you put water in it and it's supposed to be extra comfortable. I guess she had complimented his once?
    via Thingstwo
  • 23
    She was devastated. I felt so awful for her. We had cake and she got some things from me and my partner that she was into at the time, but d in it was hard to watch.
    via Thingstwo
  • 24
    AwardSalt4957 If they actually put thought into the gift, and the gift is not something you'd like, you should probably just accept it gracefully
    via AwardSalt4957
  • 25
    On the other hand, if it appears to just be something that was clearly grabbed last minute and had no thought put into it at all, you got a legitimate gripe.
    via AwardSalt4957

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